Lately it seems like I have to completely change my life all the time. Is this the trade off for being in my more emotionally stable thirties? A big project begins, and suddenly I’m putting in a 30+ hour 5 days a week work week. Soccer season starts and I have to figure out how to make and eat dinner and get to my Thursday night knitting group in the 5 minutes I have at home. My children have spring break, but not at the same time, not even for consecutive weeks, so we can’t travel anywhere and I can’t be at work. I start running and following a running schedule without much leeway before my 5k race, and have to find time to squeeze in a run when I’m home with the children. Then I develop tendinitis in my feet, and have to stop running for over a week which was even harder. This blog, too, has been a difficult habit ever since September when my daughter started her 5 day a week preschool – I no longer have set days off and we’re busier with more to prepare each day once we get home, leaving little time in which to write.
The flip side to all of this change is that I’m happy, really happy. This has been a really good year for my family, and I think being busy and working hard suites us right now. I like being busy at work, and am enjoying the new project. Spending an afternoon hour outside watching my son play soccer and my daughter run as fast as she can down a hill is a joy. I got a lot of hand stitching and knitting done not to mention netflix watching during one spring break, and managed to spend the other spring break at the office with my son in tow. Running makes me feel really good, especially after my forced break. Writing – whatever I can manage – makes me happy, and even if I’m not scrawling or typing words, I’m always writing them in my head.
One thing that has been hard is my daily picture taking habit. That big work project? Yeah it involves me taking hundreds of photos everyday, and by quitting time the last thing I want to do is pick up my camera and take photographs for myself. I’ve managed to only miss 1 or 2 days of this year’s 365 project, but I’ve used my camera phone for many many pictures, which I swore to myself I would not do again this year. I also haven’t posted anything from the last 2 months on flickr. Oh well. Someday I will find time to catch up.
The newest and best change for me is that I’m posting on habit. I was thrilled when Emily and Molly invited me to be a participant for April, and was glad to have a really good excuse to pick up my camera and document my day for myself. I’ll tell you it hasn’t been easy, and some days I reject everything I shoot or can’t come up with anything to write, and decide to post nothing. But I’m there at least 3 days a week for the rest of this month, and really habit isn’t about creating something spectacular, it’s just about creating something. Often what seems ordinary, when viewed alongside all those other moments in the lives of all those other women, becomes extraordinary.